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| The New York Optimist March 2009 |
Wow is it March? Does that make this New Year an "old" year already? Is is still ok to say "happy new year" to someone you have not
spoken to since 1/1/09? Will you be looked at funny?
And WHO deems what is appropriate? Is there an invisible "social etiquette" board who secretly votes on what is right and proper vs what
is outdated and "weird behavior?" Orrrr, are WE are OWN best/worst judges?
If so, we better either walk around with long black judge robes, or just go naked because either way we are really raw to society's
standards and reactions. Even those who dont follow the general masses about what are the right things to say, do, wear etc., at times fall
prey to the "meeting of the masses."
Ok so lets look at my current thoughts and lists of what can be considered "questionable behavior" and lets see how we can cognitively
and happily adjust the list!
In Alphabetical order ...
A1)- Advertising
What is with these yellow billboard ads which read "your ad here" or "call here?"..UNLESS it says 865-309999, Im not calling...I want
Jenny.
And the ads put out by the tobacco companies..as part of a health or anti-cancer campaign? Cmon! not too much guilt they are trying to
compensate for? What hypocracy! Dont try to make up for all of the damage you caused by promoting /selling cigarettes!
Here is another ad I "love." An ad for lingerie with the 6 ft blonde model. Cmon guys you know that the REAL woman who is wearing that
outfit for you, is 5'4 and 140 lbs.. NOT that there is anything wrong with those measurements and that is actually the size of an average
woman today. Lets get real. If you want the 6 ft tall blonde, you better either go to Sweden or date Larry Bird. We are in New York and
we are real... Well we try to be anyway..."try to be real" that is a oxymoron...
A2)-"Aunt vs. Aunt"
Why do some people who are clearly NOT from the south, pronounce words like they are?..Take the word Aunt, when someone says
aunnnnnt, instead of ant, it irks me! Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is "aunnnt" but i just can't "get with that." This is Brooklyn not Biloxi. Not
that there is anything wrong with Biloxi..
B- Bathroom Behavior
B1) Toilet Paper- Over or Under? Is the over paper putter, right or should it be put under?..Which is the right way to put a roll? IS there a
right way? I personally think the under is right, b/c it rolls out properly and just "flows" better. The over can hurt your wrist! But i
wouldn't suggest having to break up with someone based on there roll placement preference!
B2) Showering and using the bathroom at the same time. IS that right? Is it natural? You know you have yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend
when he/she takes a shower while you are using the "facilities".Me personally? I prefer a solo act..not a bathroom duet..It just doesn't
seem right..beside too much water is being wasted in one shot..With everyone being green today, better to conserve..unless you, yourself
are turning green and need to have an emergency bathroom run! ok enough about bathroom behavior..ugh.
C1) Calling others by name
How long do you have to work at a job before you can call your boss by his/her first name? If they do not say "call me by my first name"
is it ok to ASK to do so? I would say the right time frame is within the first couple of weeks or first month at earliest. Of course if they tell
you to call them by their first name, then by all means, but don't take that as being an "in" for the post-work drink or the stop in my office
unannounced behavior. Keep it cool, ride the "work wave."
C2) Calling for a date
When someone says "call me at 6:30/7" does anyone call that person AT 6:37? Well, funny as it may sound, I know someone who did that
! Must have been a really nervous guy, out of the dating scene for a while! He called his prospective date (who just happened to be a
friend of mine), at EXACTLY 6:37! OY, the poor guy, waiting, waiting by the phone...afraid to miss a minute..I never really did find out if
they went out after that..maybe they have 4 kids now..who knows..but that is a funny behavior..
D1) Dining out
Where is the best or "right" place to take a first date? Coffee/tea or dinner? Movie or moving around in a park? I would say the best thing
to do is first meet in a PUBLIC place for a drink or a coffee so you can actually TALK and see each other..Unless of course this is a blind
date and you wish you were blind after seeing the date IN PERSON..That is always fun..so make sure it is a place far away from
home..like Canada...no one will know you there..Cross the border its safe. And you can pick up a few cheap meds while you are there..
especially Xanax. Just kidding.
There really is no one RIGHT behavior when it comes to early dating. Just be nice and patient and perhaps you will look toward a second
date.
D2) Dancing
If you really aren't a good dancer, should you attempt a spin on the dance floor? Should you fake it? Can someone really fake good
dancing? I think not! What about the guy who still thinks he is john travolta and spins you into a hustle when the DJ is playing techno?
That is an instant turn off I try to turn it into a free style move and if he insists on keep it a hustle..I would just use the "I really don't like
this song" excuse or the "I am a little dizzy" excuse. Works every time..
E1) Eating-
One of my favorite topics, eating!..I dont know anyone who doesn't like to eat..
HOW they eat, is a different story..Take for example, the person who holds their fork with their ENTIRE hand covering the base of the
fork, its the over/under concept again. when they hold it like a vice grip..we know we will have problems, calm down buddy, it wont fall
out of your hand and you can still get a good bite! no need to hold the fork like that!
It is all in the thumb/index finger. Hold the fork lightly but use enough pressure to get a good bite onto it..nothing worse than trying to be
gentle and "appropriate" in your fork holding, and getting a measly piece of meat on it as a result..what a tease!
The index finger should be slightly bent (thank gd for knuckles) and touching the base of the inner thumb.
OR when someone holds the fork too close to the prongs..ugh hate that! what are they 5 years old? well with some of my recent
dates..they were, mentally at least!
Next thing you know he whips out a Bib!
Ok here we go, Bibs on grown men? Hate that! Yes I know, it is what you wear when you are eating that roach family lobster..part of the
protocol. Some protocol! A fat man with a small bib, real attractive...poor lobster!
Ok I will be nice..yeah right..
You know I can go on and on....but I shall refrain.
I want you to catch your breath and "savor" the humor/flavor, for our next behavior article!
We will pick up with the letter "f"..I'll leave that alone too! Ciao for now!
Ellie
spoken to since 1/1/09? Will you be looked at funny?
And WHO deems what is appropriate? Is there an invisible "social etiquette" board who secretly votes on what is right and proper vs what
is outdated and "weird behavior?" Orrrr, are WE are OWN best/worst judges?
If so, we better either walk around with long black judge robes, or just go naked because either way we are really raw to society's
standards and reactions. Even those who dont follow the general masses about what are the right things to say, do, wear etc., at times fall
prey to the "meeting of the masses."
Ok so lets look at my current thoughts and lists of what can be considered "questionable behavior" and lets see how we can cognitively
and happily adjust the list!
In Alphabetical order ...
A1)- Advertising
What is with these yellow billboard ads which read "your ad here" or "call here?"..UNLESS it says 865-309999, Im not calling...I want
Jenny.
And the ads put out by the tobacco companies..as part of a health or anti-cancer campaign? Cmon! not too much guilt they are trying to
compensate for? What hypocracy! Dont try to make up for all of the damage you caused by promoting /selling cigarettes!
Here is another ad I "love." An ad for lingerie with the 6 ft blonde model. Cmon guys you know that the REAL woman who is wearing that
outfit for you, is 5'4 and 140 lbs.. NOT that there is anything wrong with those measurements and that is actually the size of an average
woman today. Lets get real. If you want the 6 ft tall blonde, you better either go to Sweden or date Larry Bird. We are in New York and
we are real... Well we try to be anyway..."try to be real" that is a oxymoron...
A2)-"Aunt vs. Aunt"
Why do some people who are clearly NOT from the south, pronounce words like they are?..Take the word Aunt, when someone says
aunnnnnt, instead of ant, it irks me! Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is "aunnnt" but i just can't "get with that." This is Brooklyn not Biloxi. Not
that there is anything wrong with Biloxi..
B- Bathroom Behavior
B1) Toilet Paper- Over or Under? Is the over paper putter, right or should it be put under?..Which is the right way to put a roll? IS there a
right way? I personally think the under is right, b/c it rolls out properly and just "flows" better. The over can hurt your wrist! But i
wouldn't suggest having to break up with someone based on there roll placement preference!
B2) Showering and using the bathroom at the same time. IS that right? Is it natural? You know you have yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend
when he/she takes a shower while you are using the "facilities".Me personally? I prefer a solo act..not a bathroom duet..It just doesn't
seem right..beside too much water is being wasted in one shot..With everyone being green today, better to conserve..unless you, yourself
are turning green and need to have an emergency bathroom run! ok enough about bathroom behavior..ugh.
C1) Calling others by name
How long do you have to work at a job before you can call your boss by his/her first name? If they do not say "call me by my first name"
is it ok to ASK to do so? I would say the right time frame is within the first couple of weeks or first month at earliest. Of course if they tell
you to call them by their first name, then by all means, but don't take that as being an "in" for the post-work drink or the stop in my office
unannounced behavior. Keep it cool, ride the "work wave."
C2) Calling for a date
When someone says "call me at 6:30/7" does anyone call that person AT 6:37? Well, funny as it may sound, I know someone who did that
! Must have been a really nervous guy, out of the dating scene for a while! He called his prospective date (who just happened to be a
friend of mine), at EXACTLY 6:37! OY, the poor guy, waiting, waiting by the phone...afraid to miss a minute..I never really did find out if
they went out after that..maybe they have 4 kids now..who knows..but that is a funny behavior..
D1) Dining out
Where is the best or "right" place to take a first date? Coffee/tea or dinner? Movie or moving around in a park? I would say the best thing
to do is first meet in a PUBLIC place for a drink or a coffee so you can actually TALK and see each other..Unless of course this is a blind
date and you wish you were blind after seeing the date IN PERSON..That is always fun..so make sure it is a place far away from
home..like Canada...no one will know you there..Cross the border its safe. And you can pick up a few cheap meds while you are there..
especially Xanax. Just kidding.
There really is no one RIGHT behavior when it comes to early dating. Just be nice and patient and perhaps you will look toward a second
date.
D2) Dancing
If you really aren't a good dancer, should you attempt a spin on the dance floor? Should you fake it? Can someone really fake good
dancing? I think not! What about the guy who still thinks he is john travolta and spins you into a hustle when the DJ is playing techno?
That is an instant turn off I try to turn it into a free style move and if he insists on keep it a hustle..I would just use the "I really don't like
this song" excuse or the "I am a little dizzy" excuse. Works every time..
E1) Eating-
One of my favorite topics, eating!..I dont know anyone who doesn't like to eat..
HOW they eat, is a different story..Take for example, the person who holds their fork with their ENTIRE hand covering the base of the
fork, its the over/under concept again. when they hold it like a vice grip..we know we will have problems, calm down buddy, it wont fall
out of your hand and you can still get a good bite! no need to hold the fork like that!
It is all in the thumb/index finger. Hold the fork lightly but use enough pressure to get a good bite onto it..nothing worse than trying to be
gentle and "appropriate" in your fork holding, and getting a measly piece of meat on it as a result..what a tease!
The index finger should be slightly bent (thank gd for knuckles) and touching the base of the inner thumb.
OR when someone holds the fork too close to the prongs..ugh hate that! what are they 5 years old? well with some of my recent
dates..they were, mentally at least!
Next thing you know he whips out a Bib!
Ok here we go, Bibs on grown men? Hate that! Yes I know, it is what you wear when you are eating that roach family lobster..part of the
protocol. Some protocol! A fat man with a small bib, real attractive...poor lobster!
Ok I will be nice..yeah right..
You know I can go on and on....but I shall refrain.
I want you to catch your breath and "savor" the humor/flavor, for our next behavior article!
We will pick up with the letter "f"..I'll leave that alone too! Ciao for now!
Ellie
Ellie Robyns, In My Own Words
