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| The New York Optimist |
| "Ellie Robyns" |
"Love on Crutches..."
Just when we thought the love games were over. I never realized that at THIS stage of life, we would still
have to play the "love game." You know the game I am talking about, the one with no real winners and no
real board to move your pieces around on. It is theoretical but completely real. You are in a serious stage
of your life, where you really want a long term relationship, marriage, family and all the issues that go
along with it. However, in order to "get" what you want, you STILL have to act like you dont really WANT
it. Who knew? I thought we were well past these behaviors. Obviously not!
I recently thought I met "the one" because of all that we had in common; passions, ethics, religion, fun
spirit, and many common goals, not to mention great sex. However, I was blindsighted by my own inability
to play by the rules of the game. The rules that say, "Don't let him see how interested you are, too soon" or
"Don't be so available" or "Don't sleep with him too soon" or "DO agree with everything he likes to do and show
EXTRA enthusiasm even if it hurts!"
Well, sorry charlie, or wayne, or A, I could not do that! I had to be myself and I thought that would be
sufficient. As a matter of fact ladies and gents, being YOURSELF is sufficient! Do not try to be someone you
are not. I still say it is ok to show your love, perhaps at a pace yes, but do show it. In this day and age we all need
reconfirmation of feelings and expression of affection in a world so filled with greed, speed and fakes. In a REAL
loving and mutual relationship, the expression of these emotions and plans, would be ok and they WILL be accepted
and appreciated.
Why do so many women, who tolerate SO MUCH from a man, and never "let him see you sweat, " often
get the short end of the stick or get cut out on the slightest issue the guy may have? Not liking to travel to
ALL of the same places? Eat ALL of the same foods? Come on, are these sufficient reasons or more like
EXCUSES. Excuses, because "he" realizes he is getting too close and too fast. So SLOWWW DOWWN. Extreme
behaviors of cutting someone off yet saying "you dont want to lose them" are oxymorons, or just being a moron!
Everything does not have to be 50/50, but to take more than you give, to ask someone to do things for you without
showing same in return, are signs of a selfish person. A typical guy, who has a little fall and is "out for the year" on
crutches. If the same thing happened to the woman, she would still be able to multitask and keep going and NOT
cut him out, because she cant "handle it."
Women generally handle more in a day than guy can in a week or longer. If it is fear of committment or
of being loved too much, who knows. It can be anything. Takes time to find out. Perhaps their parents
were overly aggressive and not very emotional or were all about business. As a result the guy tries to be so
much different, but defers to being just the same, because that is all he knows. If that is the case, then it is not your
JOB to fix him and if it is real and meant to be, it WILL BE.
The old expression still holds true: "If you love something let it go..if it comes back to you it was yours, if
not, it never was..."
For many women that is hard to do, we feel the need to control a situation, to talk everything through..It
comes down to having a strong sense of self esteem and a full and independent life. A life which is not
defined by another's actions. Love is never easy, but it does still exist..
You have to love yourself first and realize that the guy you loved, just may not love himself enough to be
able to consistenly receive it from someone else! You are not a therapist or a healer. Just a partner and a
person. A person who has to live in the moment and love yourself!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MEEE!!E
