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| The New York Optimist |
Ellie's Shorts- Relationships
"Principle vs. Interest"
In mortgages you usually repay more on the interest of the initial loan, rather than the principal borrowed.
In relationships however, the reverse is true. Especially if two people are not seeing eye to eye. It often becomes
more about the "principle" vs the "interest." Even if you still like the person, when having a dis-agreement many couples
begin to focus more on the principal of the argument and lose sight of the interest toward and of their partner.
How do we keep focus on the partner's interest, without losing sight of the principal? Or visa versa? Is there a "proper"
way to disagree? I believe so. One way is to make "time" to argue or disagree. If you see a discussion is going in that
direction, take a breather and discuss a mutually convenient time to "take it on." This is often difficult to do but probably
better in the long run.
Another way is to be more proactive. Many couples take each other for granted, until which time so much anger and/or
resentment builds up, that it becomes hard to shake the negative and remain positive. If people in general would be more
proactive in today's society, we may live in a happier place. Too often, people wait until it is very late, either in their
careers, family or in their love lives. At that late point it is harder to see the initial interest through the relationship fog.
Again, it is crucial for this reason, to be more proactive.
Take time to know your partner and focus on their interests vs. your own. To really listen, not just hear, what your
partner is saying, or NOT saying. NON-verbal language is often as important as what is verbalized.
Relationships are never easy at any stage of life or at any stage of the relationship. Even AFTER marriage. It takes work.
My theory is that people stayed together longer, years ago, because a) it was not as easy to get divorced b) people actually
loved one another and worked things out because they had more patience. I believe today, people are so rushed for 400
things they need to do. High stress jobs, pollutants and so many other negative factors. Therefore they often just
categorize their relationship and try to fit it in to the larger picture which is their very busy life. Love cannot be rushed or
taken for granted.
It must be nurtured and respected. People should not lose sight of their own individual interests but they must find a better
way to incorporate the other person s interest and not just stay focused on one s own principles.
Therefore relationships are the opposite of mortgages. If you pay more to the principal on your house vs. the interest, you
will pay it off sooner. However if you pay more ATTENTION to your own principles in a relationship vs. the interest of
the other person, you will most likely lose that louse, I mean house, I mean LOVED ONE!
Shalom Bait! (Peace in the home)
Ellie
"Principle vs. Interest"
In mortgages you usually repay more on the interest of the initial loan, rather than the principal borrowed.
In relationships however, the reverse is true. Especially if two people are not seeing eye to eye. It often becomes
more about the "principle" vs the "interest." Even if you still like the person, when having a dis-agreement many couples
begin to focus more on the principal of the argument and lose sight of the interest toward and of their partner.
How do we keep focus on the partner's interest, without losing sight of the principal? Or visa versa? Is there a "proper"
way to disagree? I believe so. One way is to make "time" to argue or disagree. If you see a discussion is going in that
direction, take a breather and discuss a mutually convenient time to "take it on." This is often difficult to do but probably
better in the long run.
Another way is to be more proactive. Many couples take each other for granted, until which time so much anger and/or
resentment builds up, that it becomes hard to shake the negative and remain positive. If people in general would be more
proactive in today's society, we may live in a happier place. Too often, people wait until it is very late, either in their
careers, family or in their love lives. At that late point it is harder to see the initial interest through the relationship fog.
Again, it is crucial for this reason, to be more proactive.
Take time to know your partner and focus on their interests vs. your own. To really listen, not just hear, what your
partner is saying, or NOT saying. NON-verbal language is often as important as what is verbalized.
Relationships are never easy at any stage of life or at any stage of the relationship. Even AFTER marriage. It takes work.
My theory is that people stayed together longer, years ago, because a) it was not as easy to get divorced b) people actually
loved one another and worked things out because they had more patience. I believe today, people are so rushed for 400
things they need to do. High stress jobs, pollutants and so many other negative factors. Therefore they often just
categorize their relationship and try to fit it in to the larger picture which is their very busy life. Love cannot be rushed or
taken for granted.
It must be nurtured and respected. People should not lose sight of their own individual interests but they must find a better
way to incorporate the other person s interest and not just stay focused on one s own principles.
Therefore relationships are the opposite of mortgages. If you pay more to the principal on your house vs. the interest, you
will pay it off sooner. However if you pay more ATTENTION to your own principles in a relationship vs. the interest of
the other person, you will most likely lose that louse, I mean house, I mean LOVED ONE!
Shalom Bait! (Peace in the home)
Ellie
| Ellie Robyns "Relationships" |
