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| The New York Optimist |
RELATING TO EACH OTHER THROUGH GRACIOUSNESS
by John Ryder, Ph.D.
We all meet people who are so nice, polite and thoughtful, that we actually think it is an act, they defy our
imagination that anyone can be that accommodating. Perhaps it is a reflection of how our society has moved away
from true concern about others however, there are people who could easily win the noble prize for graciousness.
These are individuals who are truly concerned for other's comfort, physically, mentally, and materially above and beyond what is
expected.
I know one such lady who is the most gracious host I have ever seen. She not only wants everything to look lovely, taste great,
and that there is plenty for everyone; she goes way out of her way to make sure that each person has what makes them happy.
She prepares the favorite snacks for each guest. She pours the best wines with a selection for every taste. The entire night is
like a Broadway play with music, song, dance and fabulous drama.
With all the goodies, music and ambience, this hostess makes every guest who walks through the door feel like the most special
and important person at the party. What is bewildering to me is how authentic and sincere this woman behaves. The outpouring
of smiles, compliments, and joy of seeing each person flows from her heart like a waterfall. Her timing is impeccable, her laughter
is contageous, and her charm is magical. It is no wonder that the mood at her events is always most warm and friendly. You
cannot escape the charismatic glow that engulfs all that come to share that night.
What is this wonderful attitude? Well, this charming lady taught me a great lesson in life. Her name is Linda, a sophisticated and
refined lady who knows the entire world. She spent a considerable amount of time as a diplomat learning all about different
cultures. What she exhibits to her friends is something we should all be able to do yet, few ever measure up. Linda is the most
gracious person I have ever met. Far from an act, it is her very sincere concern to never let anyone feel awkward around her.
This goes far beyond table manners, napkins, and all the other stuff; because it is when other guests say or do something
disturbing, that this graceful person is able to smooth it over.
Clearly, the most difficult moments for us is when a guest being clumsy knocks over a candle and hot wax pours onto silk covered
furniture, and you can laugh and tell them not to worry. Or, when a priceless piece of crystal breaks and you just smile and say it
was for good luck. Or, a comment you were not supposed to overhear is quickly translated innocently. The list goes on and on.
The most ungraceful moments are cleverly rewritten into graceful ones. That is an art few of us have developed. This ultra
gracefulness obliterates even the rudest, most obnoxious gestures, comments or events and removes the toxins even from the
air.
Graciousness, perhaps needs to be reborn. I have vague memories of watching it in the old black and white movies with Audrey
Hepburn. It is the ability to never be offended or insulted or even disturbed by the common mishaps of life. When we develop this
skill, we not only make others feel better around us, we too, feel more at ease. There is a sophistication that comes with this
social graciousness. This attitude is very liberating, and comforting to all who encounter it.
The power of grace is what inspired me to write this article. All I want to do is remind people that it is possible to
raise the bar and act much more gracefully, with a sense of self dignity that your life is already in balance and
harmony so the crazy events around you cannot be disturbing. When we achieve this inner strength, we become
important role models for others to follow. Perhaps some of you will have the opportunity exercise a little grace
during the next few social events you attend or host. The positive energy can and will circulate if you give it a little
boost. Try a little graciousness, it is definitely good for you and others. Linda is proof of that.
| "Relating to Each Other Through Graciousness" "Dr. John Ryder" |